Folks, do not mess with Caltrain.

I’m serious. It’s like messing with the IRS. It’s just not going to work out for you.

Today, just after we pulled into the Palo Alto station, the announcer comes on and says “folks, we’ll be delayed for a few minutes here; there is a passenger who refuses to get off the train.”

Now, I didn’t see this passenger, and I don’t know the circumstances, but I can hazard a guess.

You see, Caltrain employs a “proof-of-payment” system. You must have a valid ticket or pass to ride. Periodically, conductors come through to check.

I would guess that today’s passenger-in-question didn’t have a ticket and refused to “get off at the next station,” which is generally what the conductor will advise in these situations. Bad move. Crucial error in judgment.

When a non-ticketed passenger refuses to get off at the next station, the conductor immediately goes to stage 2 – writing a $250 ticket. Also, once the conductor pulls out that pad, there’s no going back. You can’t talk them out of it.

Of course, to write someone a ticket, you need to check their ID. I’ve seen someone refuse to provide ID to the conductor, which causes the conductor to move to stage 3 – calling the police.

It’s amazing how quickly the police respond to a Caltrain call. If the train is moving at the time of the call, then, invariably, the police will be waiting at the next scheduled stop. If the train is stopped at a station, then the police will arrive within five minutes.

We were stopped in Palo Alto for about 10 minutes. Time for the police to arrive, board, find the passenger in question and, presumably, deal with the situation. I didn’t see the action, but I’m betting that some fool was escorted from the train in handcuffs. The $250 ticket will be the least of his worries. Court costs. Bail. An ugly call to a significant other. Blog infamy.

Plus, there will be a train car full of folks who are getting home late, or maybe even missing their ferries. Folks who will remember this guy’s face.

People, don’t mess with Caltrain.